for all the goodbyes I have said and I’m about to say, again and again

Traveling by train in Germany was a new experience for me and is still one that I most enjoy. Sliding on rails, changing images one after the other, windows framing beautiful landscapes, almost breathtaking. But the most exciting and fascinating elements are the small train stations of the countryside. Modest constructions, built to accommodate a small amount of passengers, these train stations are often rundown – but still in use – places where the ghosts of long and short-term goodbyes linger. How many stories will remain untold, stories of permanent or temporary farewells, as significant as they may be! Come to think of it, with every departure we add our own little story to this endless succession. Either boarding a train to leave something behind or to reach a desired destination we inevitably become part of the wheel reuniting and parting generations of travelers. Happiness and sadness meet and mix on the railway platform, where the hugs and kisses are the most emotional. Looking out of the window I feel like an intruder to the very personal moments of people, when they are touched, gloomy, vulnerable, desperate, or utterly joyful, crying or laughing… like the parents sending their child away, like the friends who welcome you, like a couple parting to be reunited again later, like the lonely passenger anticipating the arrival at another station, like the friends who say goodbye, like you, like me. 

Although one must think of the temporariness of all human relations, saying goodbye is never easy. Some goodbyes are better said early, some other better remain unspoken. But there will always be someone grieving to leave or to stay, ache to let someone go or to leave someone behind, smiling at the prospect of going home, excited to depart and see the world, yearning to go back to loved ones… I can’t conclude on what is harder, to be the one leaving or the one staying, because it probably depends on the person. Leaving was always easier for me, staying behind was for years unbearable. On the other hand I also dislike the word “temporariness” and I prefer to replace it with “impermanence”. Almost the same meaning since nothing lasts forever, but different connotation… 

Weimar

Today is exactly one year since I first set foot in Weimar. One year ago, when the train dropped me off at the small town station, I was scared and insecure and uncertain about the step I was about to take. Next day I would have the interview that would determine where and how I would spend the next year of my life. And this entailed either looking for a job as an architect in a country where construction has halted or – even worse – leaving my home, family and friends to live and study in another country, move into a town smaller than the smallest town I’ve ever visited, changing professional orientation to something I had no idea if I can accomplish. As bad as the first choice was, it was something familiar, something I knew and done before. But the second choice… the actual success of the interview, that was something else. And the feeling I had walking down the street from the train station to the city center was everything but delight. Leaving Hauptbahnhof Weimar behind me while bitterly thinking “as if this damp town has another train station but the main one”, I was edgy and glum and discarded with irony all the encouraging remarks my dear friend Kat was making. I was determined to dislike this small town to the very last bit! The fear of change – any change in my life – has always been my enemy and nemesis. Because whatever we do, change always comes, nothing remains the same. Whether we embrace it or not, whether we expect it, bring it about or not, it will come… and it will be good.

Now, one year later, I know that I would have not found a job of my preference in Greece. I learned that living in another country feels like being given a clean sheet. It is a precious experience, a fresh start, offering the chance to create new routines, to meet new people, to find new ways. I learned that changing “career” might be refreshing and not knowing if you can succeed is a challenging learning process. Not having any friends offers the chance to choose some new and, if lucky, to be chosen by them. I also learned that living in a small town oversimplifies your life and can be fun!!

Today, I can be nothing but thankful for everything I experienced the past year. Within only 10 months I’ve lived as much as to tell stories for two lives. Weimar brought me valuable and dear friends, expanded my horizon, shifted my point of view, freed me from past bonds, granted me both happiness and pain and all I need to deal with both. Weimar helped me mature, embrace change, believe in myself.

But Weimar is no magic place, its people make it one, all the people I met here… some will stay, some will go, some are already gone. Eventually I will go too… but I’ll keep in heart the life lessons I learned here. As a dear friend says, there is something for everyone in Weimar. I am still scared and insecure and uncertain about the next step, but I don’t hesitate anymore to take it.

PS Weimar has indeed another smaller train station, named Berkaer Bahnhof. :P